rehab

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Well then now & The Paradox of Living

I’m returning more to what is considered a day-to-day normal. That is I don’t look around me in a degree of oddness as if things don’t quite fit. That they don’t fit is not the issue, and in fact nothing is at issue. The only practical question would not be what but why. But that is a gift of age: that we quit asking why.

Those first nights in rehab when I couldn’t move, go anywhere, made more of an impression on me than I thought. You become that. And I had to live on the surface, in the center of my mind. Any of the edges would have entrapped me and they were many and dark. Interesting that I didn’t pray. And I didn’t invoke The Buddha, or The Christ, or even “the guys.” But then I didn’t seek help. I sought nothing. And then, for a while I became someone else.

So, to post from Belles-letters:

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Yes And But Really

Now I’m in rehab. Not a plan I had in mind. The surgery went well (on Friday, July 14, left knee replacement). Going home went well. That was on Saturday. On Sunday on the way to the morning relief I fell. It was not a good fall as falls go. It was rather ungraceful and painful. I pulled a room screen over onto me as I reached for it to stabilize myself—for which of course it was incredibly ill-suited as a sturdy component in the dance, but sharp enough amongst the edges to take my face into account for the many bruises which would ensue. I do believe I screamed. Perhaps more than once while emitting some weak “help” noises. And so the story changed dramatically. This is the unexpected turn in the novel where the hero is wounded by the Griffin rather than slaying anything herself.

As a result I’ve been from emergency to hospital to now in rehab. This is not always a fun place to be though it has its moments. I certainly went down the rabbit hole for a while. That was an interesting place to visit. I can see why people do not want to live there. It is a matter of a great deal of pain or some fine pain pills. Neither a normal state, but the train you must take to get there. Of course you cannot know that in advance. You get a ticket but no destination.

It strikes me that that is the same with life, is it not? We really don’t know.

This was posted by Beauty of Nature. I do believe it is quite appropriate for today’s sentiment.