Just A Little Nudge…

And just when I needed this. And Happy Birthday dear Alan!

Posted by Marginalia

On Alan Watts’s birthday, dive into a wealth of his wisdom on life and death and the meaning of it all: https://www.themarginalian.org/tag/alan-watts/

It’s beautifully cold today, and snow is in the forecast. Be still my heart! The only thing better could be to live in the middle of the woods as it does so. Happy golden sweet white days!


I think this will show up very way too large but it seems to be the only way I can bring it in. And so it goes…

Thinking lots of thoughts that will need to go here at some point. But for now, the Zen Way will do. May the greatest of New Years befall us all! At the very least may we inherit peace and calm in our lives and most of all, may we savor them.

Notes From The Underground

Philo Thoughts
I swear to you, that to be overly conscious is a sickness, a real, thorough sickness. ~Fyodor Dostoevsky
Notes From Underground)

All I want to do at this point is write text to the right of the photo, or left I don’t care. But of course that’s a battle I’m not going to win without a great deal of exertion on my part, the ability for which I have none. I’ve been working on what I’m calling “Field Notes” on a biography (or War) and am obligated to send snatches with photos to the kids—nephews and nieces. Due to the obligation I’ve been keeping up a pace I would not normally. My normal pace is tortoise. A very old and sad tortoise. And I’m in a punch-drunk mental state.

About Fyodor (above)—I totally adore him. I still recall the books I struggled through at some point in my much younger years. I should say I remember parts and pieces because I get them mixed up and don’t recall which comes from what. And his writing gave me my first concept of Apotheosis without knowing what it was called. The biggest problem for me with Russian novels is all of the nicknames without explanation. I can be reading along and think we have a new character doing something when it’s just a nickname for a previous character. In any case, I do have Notes From The Underground somewhere but I can’t find it just yet. I know I have the book because everytime I go to buy it Amazon (or someone) wants to know if I want to buy it again. I may have to resort to that. The same thing happens with Pessoa. You know, The Book of Disquiet, and A Little Larger Than the Entire Universe. I’ve tried to repurchase them numerous times. Pathetic.

Or perhaps I sold it off along with the rest of Dostoevsky when I cleaned house and sold a stock (hundreds) of books that I was sure I’d never return to. I am so in regret over that phase of me that rears its ugly head from time to time and fills me with sorrow at some later point. From books to mementos and family pieces. Yet I’ve replenished my supply and have more books than before. Unfortunately that can’t be done with other things. It’s like Pessoa’s narrator says at some point, “I’ve had great ambitions and boundless dreams but so has the delivery boy…” I don’t know what that has to do with this but it seems as if it does. je nes se pas?

Oh Dear

 “Everything is determined, every beginning and ending, by forces over which we have no control. It is determined for the insect, as well as for the star. Human beings, vegetables, or cosmic dust, we all dance to a mysterious tune, intoned in the distance by an invisible piper.” — Albert Einstein

Posted by Simon Bartholomé

I don’t know what to say to this.

After A While

Posted by Ravenous Butterflies
“After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and learn…
With every good-bye you learn.”
Jorge Luis Borges – You Learn, c.1940.
Oskar Zwintscher – Portrait with Yellow Daffodils,1907

I wish it were true. I wish that after a while I learned. In my lifetime I’ve been big on repeating mistakes. Even when I knew they were mistakes, I thought “this time it will be different.” Of course it wasn’t. And I really thought I could make something happen by sheer will. Not so. Certainly not so when it comes to other people. The problem is you don’t know until you are tested. Given the opportunity I wonder, have I learned? I might have. Maybe. Maybe so.