What It Takes

But then and who knows.

I went into the hospital toward the end of March. No biggie…the whole asthma/can’t breathe sort of thing. So I’m going to use that as that point forward. No significance with or to the hospital or breathing thing. Just a place to start. [As I type this I see that is untrue, indeed. The connection is obvious.]

Anyway, a benchmark. A bookmark. Going from there…

The kid went to Colorado for a surprise birthday party for Nick who turns 60. Two of the others, Randy and Peter, were also invited with their spouses. So, “Happy Easter” via thought waves. We don’t know about the other two: did they know and decline? (Nieces) Were they not invited?

I realize there was a time when I got little nudges that could have only come from a future knowledge. For example, when I sat down so that Keith would hand me the bunny, and he was so very precious and I was overwhelmed with such warmth and love. I had the thought: should you hold and pet the thing you will eat for dinner? Isn’t there an adult rule that you should not make a pet of something that is dinner?

Mother would periodically use German names as an expression of something unique. She could call someone a Dumbledorph. The foreign expression was easily understood. It was also understood that no other word would quite encompass the full meaning.

Holy Cows and such. I just saw where I put nothing up here in March. So I’m going to set this little jaunt free and work on some other things for here.

Did you know that Teilhard published nothing during his lifetime of his huge array of manuscripts? The Church would not allow it. As in the Catholic Church strikes again. For those who don’t know, Teilhard de Chardin is the priest darling of thinkers and plotters and puzzlers and such, one who combined science and philosophy. Probably in the left lane but who knows. I think Truth shouldn’t be put in a lane.

Just for fun, the above from Bright Side.

Too Much & Dying Too

So much has been happening that it has been difficult to even attempt a sort-through to post. Indeed, where to begin.

First, I had another (twice now) trip to the hospital—pericardial effusion—wherein the people all thought it was a heart attack. It wasn’t. Either time. But apparently all of the medical paraphernalia thinks I am so they go with that rather than my insistence “I’m not having a heart attack!” *sigh* So. Now they have to find the cause of my attacks which are painful beyond belief.

In the operating room: The most exciting part of the whole thing is that I coded—yes, died!—and that’s where it got interesting rather than just painful. It was no big deal at all and there were no lights and out-of-body experiences or awareness or floating. Nothing. A great big huge black nothing.

Just before the Black in a millisecond I had an awareness something was happening and a wondrous peace wherein nothing mattered and then… Another second and I woke up, knew I had been “somewhere” and asked what happened. They said I coded twice (wrong count, only one, extended) and they had to resuscitate me. So while trying to “save my life”—in a non-heart attack—they almost killed me.

It is impossible to describe because the observer, and all consciousness was gone. As soon as we say nothing—we have something. It is an experience that can only be experienced. I do think that I stayed in my body because I wasn’t gone long enough. It was less than a minute. Perhaps it takes longer for the full-death experience.

It should be noted that this was Not a heart attack. It was Not heart failure. It was that my heart stopped. Those are all different things. Apparently the heart stopped due to the dye they were inserting into my veins to find the blockage (there was none) that was causing the heart attack that wasn’t.


Meanwhile. During and after recovery I’ve been doing a rewrite of a novel I wrote a while back called “Last House.” I was always fond of it and thought it should have another look through. I also wrote a short story and entered it in a couple of contests. That’s in addition to the family history I pluck away at and photos with comments I send to the family.


And the Snow! We’ve had a couple of snow storms that have been just glorious. The dog and I go out at all hours to play and enjoy. Especially deep into the night when no one else is around. It’s so incredibly joyous with mounds of white and blowing wind and the silence and the glory! Watching a black dog jump and run against all of this becomes a thing of the Spirit. Other worlds hover about, waver in the light that suddenly glints against the sweeping snow.

MatissePosted by Ravenous Butterflies