So Zeus and Other Updates

Zeus is still with me, never to depart. I cancelled the meeting with his prior mum. I told her that I had searched my heart and did not think we should put him through both of us here and in essence make him choose between us. It felt cruel. I also shared with her all of the expenses we’d been through to deal with his making-crystals issues, operation, etc. She did agree and asked only that I send her gobs of photos of him all of the time. Of course. The other thing which I did not say was that her pain with her current losses would not be eliminated through getting Zeus back. Life is like that, and these days it seems to be handed out in buckets full. Maybe her true pain is related to giving up Baby Z in the first place. I can’t imagine how she did so. Especially since she had him from the time he was 4-weeks old. Yes he was her baby. But she chose to give him up and keep the dog (it was not working out & the dog was new). As for how things are working out here, Lizzy Fig, aka LL Cool Fig is relegated to the back area of the apartment. Baby Z has the front area. They do not get along. Although I do keep trying with controlled visitations. We go on in our fashion.

Last week and weekend were hell with my dearly loved sister-in-law passing away from cancer. She and I were texting and sending notes and photos to the very end. It is a devastating loss. Another part of my past and my life falling away. I don’t understand how everyone else gets to die. I don’t want to be the cheese left standing alone. *sigh*

I have gotten back to the pool and am going three times a week. This is out of desperate need as I’ve gotten exhausted and seem to have no reserves to pull from. Yes, it may all be psychological but nonetheless physical strength is part of the foundation.

VALIS. I’ve gotten back to Philip K Dick and am rereading Valis. After I will read the two others in the trilogy which I just purchased: The Divine Invasion and The Transmigration of Timothy Archer. This is going quite well, something I did need to get back to. (Fortification continues.)

And yes, I still need to get out more agent queries for “Last House.” Happening today. Right after I complete this…right now…now…here we go…

On The Edge…

…of things. As Pessoa said he was always. So it was for me today, and my view was distant as I walked through the morning events.

I had to take the cat back to the vet’s as he’s passing blood and pretty much peeing wherever he is. Not fun for either of us. This is the new rescue cat, Zeus, whom you have not heard about from me but likely will later. In any case, he got quite ill and was hospitalized so all of the current happenings are just the aftermath. I brought him home on Saturday. Now for today:

  • The med tech greeted us by calling my beautiful, handsome Bengal cat “Zoosie-Woosie.” And referred to us as an us for everything including how him was feeling for us. (Not even annoying, just observing from that very safe distance.)
  • After the vet’s, I took us through a Starbucks so I could get a mocha cafe = indulge, indulge.
    • Me: I’ll have a large mocha cafe, please.
    • A male-type person standing outside taking orders: One large mocha cafe. So are we hot or cold today?
    • Me: Pardon? (I have no idea what he is talking about.)
    • He: Hot or cold?
    • Me: Just staring blankly as I have no understanding and might have landed on another planet. Perhaps I went through a portal on my way to the outer world.
    • He: The drink. Do you want it hot or cold?
    • Me: Hot. (Maybe this is normal and I just don’t get out enough to understand the ways of the world. And here I was beginning to consider my body temperature to see if I was on the warm or cool side, heading to something more extreme.)

The cat himself has joined in this weird conspiracy by imitating the singing and dancing frog. He is normally incredibly vocal. He has a variety of sounds which I can usually decipher. If I’m not responding correctly or immediately, he will get louder and louder. Not only that, but he says actual words such as “Ma!” and “ouch!”. But not in the world. In the world he becomes mute. He says nothing. Not a cry, not a whimper. They think he does not complain and that I am exaggerating.

It’s all right. It’s all totally all right. It’s just a good day to get home and stay there.

“Most people learn to save themselves by artificially limiting the content of consciousness.” Thomas Ligotti