Quotes to like or puzzle over: “There comes a time when you realize that everything is a dream, and only those things preserved in writing have any possibility of being real.” ― James Salter, All That Is
Zeus is still with me, never to depart. I cancelled the meeting with his prior mum. I told her that I had searched my heart and did not think we should put him through both of us here and in essence make him choose between us. It felt cruel. I also shared with her all of the expenses we’d been through to deal with his making-crystals issues, operation, etc. She did agree and asked only that I send her gobs of photos of him all of the time. Of course. The other thing which I did not say was that her pain with her current losses would not be eliminated through getting Zeus back. Life is like that, and these days it seems to be handed out in buckets full. Maybe her true pain is related to giving up Baby Z in the first place. I can’t imagine how she did so. Especially since she had him from the time he was 4-weeks old. Yes he was her baby. But she chose to give him up and keep the dog (it was not working out & the dog was new). As for how things are working out here, Lizzy Fig, aka LL Cool Fig is relegated to the back area of the apartment. Baby Z has the front area. They do not get along. Although I do keep trying with controlled visitations. We go on in our fashion.
Last week and weekend were hell with my dearly loved sister-in-law passing away from cancer. She and I were texting and sending notes and photos to the very end. It is a devastating loss. Another part of my past and my life falling away. I don’t understand how everyone else gets to die. I don’t want to be the cheese left standing alone. *sigh*
I have gotten back to the pool and am going three times a week. This is out of desperate need as I’ve gotten exhausted and seem to have no reserves to pull from. Yes, it may all be psychological but nonetheless physical strength is part of the foundation.
VALIS. I’ve gotten back to Philip K Dick and am rereading Valis. After I will read the two others in the trilogy which I just purchased: The Divine Invasion and The Transmigration of Timothy Archer. This is going quite well, something I did need to get back to. (Fortification continues.)
And yes, I still need to get out more agent queries for “Last House.” Happening today. Right after I complete this…right now…now…here we go…
I have no idea where I’ve been but obviously not here. And the odd thing is my return has not been goaded so much by guilt as by pull. A good thing, I’d say.
Please forgive any repeats on literary or writing updates, not looking back to check. Maybe I’ve been in some monster wave pushed back by the death of Tula. I don’t know. Whatever. So, to date:
I finally finished the rewrite of the rewrite of the cleanup of “Last House.” Actually send off a query to an agent. And yes, “a” is the right word. Only one? Yep, and it exhausted me. Maybe now I can get some more queries out as the time has come to assume that one as a reject. I’ve also sent “Redemption” (short story) off to a couple of places. I’ve reread & tinkered with “Byrne Road” and have come to the conclusion that it likely just belongs in the trash. *sigh* and huh. I don’t know. Maybe another read down the road. We’ll see. I’m not really a short-story writer. Sometimes I’m just moved. I am mentally and in dreams working on a very strangely different follow-up to The Fat Man. That is indeed working bytheway. Not all writing work has to do with the physical act. And I do have a few words on pages.
As for the rest of the world of mine?
My daughter got married. I didn’t know this was going to happen and I wasn’t invited. She told me when she came here to help me get my garage in order (a two person job). After the fact. *Tilt* I’m still numb I believe. I don’t know. To another woman, which is fine—just dropped in here for clarity. I’m glad they are together and that she has someone in her life. I do not know where that leaves me if it does and if anywhere. I feel like a stranger looking in through the window, the window to their house. They are still definitely moving to Portugal and the date keeps getting moved up. I don’t know if I’m going or not.
I told you that I got another cat—Baby Z, or Zeus. But I hadn’t updated with information. That was almost a year ago and now. Yes, now. His prior owner wants him back. He is a purebred Bengal. He is very chatty and knows lots of words. He also got very sick at one point as he was making crystals in his urine and almost died. Surgery was involved. Now he is on a special diet. I don’t know how all of this is going to work out. She (the prior owner) is coming over on Saturday to see him. So much for me depends upon his reaction to her. He called out “MA!” for a long time after she left him here, but then he stopped. I’ve been trying to get him to say “mama” for me. Sometimes he utters a soft “mummm.” I don’t know if that’s it or not. He is very clever and smart, currently learning how to walk with a leash.
I haven’t been swimming much at all. Just now & again with all of the silly medical tests I’ve been going through. (Good excuse.) I have grown extraordinarily annoyed with them as nothing has produced any results. Nothing has been identified as casual to the bouts of pericardial effusion. But they have let up and as I don’t know anything more, I am discontinuing any further testing. And here we go, yep! “It is what it is.” All of this to say that I’ve got my swimming suit on and am going to the pool today. Shortly.
So there you have it. And as the mice say….That’s the wayyyyyyy things are…
It doesn’t take much for me anymore—to find the sweetness in a day. Today was simply splendid as I was able to get back to the pool for swimming. As it turns out, when the pool reopened they did not reinstitute the restrictions for age and compromised people (such as I with chronic asthma & bronchitis to boot)! So, luckily I called and found out, along with reservations made for lap lanes. Along with today I’m now scheduled through August, every Monday, Wednesday & Friday, at 1 o’clock. Splendid, I say!
Posted by Psyche’s Call by Donna May
I saw this and thought about Joseph Campbell and his “Follow Your Bliss.” Because, as we know, when you do this the Universe opens doors for you. We also know there are always those for whom this does not occur. I think of van Gogh dying in poverty. And writers of course. More than one writer gave all only to fail. *Sigh* Still, driven by passion there is no choice.
As I posted “A Mouthful of Forevers” twice, I thought I’d do some checking into Clementine von Radics and see what else she had to say. Quite a bit it turns out. So here we have dear Clementine, as splendid as poetry herself.
“My battered heart will always be
where the ocean meets the sand, I
will break over and over
Every day. That is the best and
worst part of me.”
― Clementine von Radics
“I mean you ask me
not to fall in love with you
and then you go write poems
with your tongue
and draw constellations
in my freckles.”
― Clementine von Radics, As Often As Miracles
“But my heart is an old house
(the kind my mother
grew up in)
hell to heat and cool
and faulty in the wiring
and though it’s nice to look at
I have no business
inviting lovers in.”
― Clementine von Radics
I will take the sun in my mouth
and leap into the ripe air
with closed eyes
to dash against darkness
This photo is an almost exact rendition of the Mississippi slough where my first love kept his skiff, a hunting and fishing skiff. It was one of the first places we went together and we spent many days on the Mississippi, swimming, fishing, boating. It’s where our families gathered in boathouses for meals and drank not a few beers. (The river is a natural coolant in summer.) Our dogs ran on those beaches, our children learned to swim against the current, and we learned together how to launch our boats. The best of days—river born.
So the kid and I went to Bow Wow Lake for a romp and a swim. We had a fine time there and I earned back my Good Mum status. She is like the little kids whose lips turn blue and they stand shivering with arms crossed, insisting that they aren’t cold, aren’t tired, and certainly haven’t had enough time swimming. She would swim after a toy for hours and insist on just one more throw.
Tula returning the kong
Here she is, returning the toy for the hundredth time at least. I think it’s curious how dogs aren’t interested in just swimming as we humans do. Dogs need a purpose for the swim that they love.
And then, on a not so side note, I spent hours, days, trying to bring the iPhone photos in “My Photos” into WordPress. It was an easy thing, a simple thing. It only took an “Export Photo” under File to do it. Snap.
Sometimes my penchant for not reading instructions or trying the obvious—you know, that thing where you slow down and read—sometimes that is not at all entertaining.