About that…

It needs to be said that the most painful of all losses are those we suffer outside of public view. Those are the losses that are rarely written about, the losses that leave us with part of our souls gone and the days that will forever be missing the breath of another.

We have had a year of treasured public icons gone from our lives. One of the most significant of the adored is Dolly Parton, dead, gone from the human domain. On the night of Tuesday, August 25, 2026, the Empire State Building’s tower lights sparkled in pink from 9:25 p.m. to 10:25 p.m. as a tribute to Parton, who died the same day. Her songs were sung and played throughout the nation. Other countries, the world mourned her loss and named her accomplishments, generosity, and compassion.

Every death, every new reminder, serves to push at what had been a momentary pause in our own stone storehouse of loss. Stunning or surprising, we add another to our of mansion of memories, integral pieces of the lives that once were.

Grief is just a word. Yet the pain that it resurfaces unites all parts of us. Our mind, our body, our soul become one in pain. The worst of it is when we dream and the dream conjures the dead one—the child’s hand, the words, the soft brown eyes of the dog barking at the door, the young man walking toward me. And then we awaken. And then learn all over again it wasn’t a mistake at all. We are empty.

To say some of the things we hear said are puzzling only speak to our loneliness. “As long as someone lives in another’s memories, they are not dead.” How can that possibly make any sense? Yes they are. They are not here. “Well at least she’s at peace now.” She maybe, but I’m not. Not yet. We know that the loss happens to us, not to the dead.

Things fall apart.

After the first pains of mourning we play memory tributes. Those words of “remember when.” With the wonderful famous people who die, we can make public honors. We can acknowledge them and their good works. Most important, they can represent the stages in our lives. They sing not only of when we were, but who we were becoming and would become. Perhaps even who we still will become.

These are the ones I’ll forever be grateful to. These are the ones for whom I feel honored to have had them in my life.

GLORIA STEINEM

The Truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off

DOLLY PARTON

JESSE JACKSON

TIM CURRY

BOB WEIR

CATHERINE O”HARA

CHUCK NORRIS

WENDELL BARRY